


querencia

by dweabob



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anime/Manga Fusion, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'm Sorry Isayama Hajime, Inspired by Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Isayama Hajime - Freeform, Manga & Anime, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:35:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29625042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dweabob/pseuds/dweabob
Summary: ❝ querencia ❞/kɛˈrɛnθɪə,Spanish keˈrenθja,keˈrensja/(n.) a place from which one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.[ levi ackerman x fem!readerupdates are slow ,,,, ]
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader
Kudos: 4





	1. soliloquy

**Author's Note:**

> \- cross-posted on wattpad ,,, @writeabob -

_It wasn't by chance. I refuse to believe that the dismal cosmos granted me with such... serendipity._

_Was it all real?_

_Was the half-witted man standing in front of me truly dependable_ ― _or an illusion?_

_Was my own imagination trying to deceive the last fragments of hope I had left?_

_I had to trust the manifestation that once dominated my wit. It's the only way to contentment_ ― _true happiness._

_Was this a sagacious feeling? No, it couldn't be..._

_I wanted to believe that something like this, could ever happen to me. Totally impossible. Someone as unusual as him_ ― _oddly perfect_ ― _sounded like I was dreaming with my eyes wide open._

_I could see everything fall into place. What a beautiful feeling this was._

_I had to trust this presentiment, and even if you are part of my imagination; I longed for something that was actually so damn achievable._

_It doesn't matter what other people think, because in the end, you will always exist within the fantasy that once concealed my soul from the rest of the world._

_Please, don't turn your back on me._

_I know I can be pig-headed. Difficult. Bothersome. But if you give me one more chance to prove to you how much you actually mean to me; even the welkin will be envious of the unbreakable bond that has confined us both._

_You're my safe house. My sanctuary._

_You are my Lightbringer, Levi._


	2. part i. strength

How could someone defy the adorning strength of an inflexible soul; when all they wished for was a place to call home?

She was so, so headstrong. So bold and annoyingly stubborn to where she couldn't differentiate the dissimilarity between the virtues and depravity that depleted her.

It devoured her.

Consumed with fixation, the woman did not truly know where her soul belonged; until she saw those cold steel-grey eyes, looking back at her.

The Lightbringer, the Morningstar, the phenomenon; her wonder.

She was once the definition of the epitome of elegance and good taste, but she knew for a fact, that not even her silhouette could escape the screaming truth. Deprived of a heart-throbbing pain; continuously stabbing the young female's essence, later wishing this suffering would come to an end.

She could be happy once more, only if it meant; he would stay.

He was just as intricate as the thorny female. Nevertheless, she did not fail to amaze the oddly anomalous male, when in fact, she was actually the Lightbringer to him.


	3. chapter i. survive

Y/N's story was like none other. Ornated with the faces of her adversaries that continued to haunt the living daylights out of her. Her consciousness grew weaker and weaker with fatigue, as so did her physique. It was a ceaseless curse that took on the form of a colossus death pill, waltzing its way towards the cavity she so-called her soul.

It was something Y/N had to live with, and at times, she didn't want to.

_"This world is a cruel place. But Y/N, you're an impenetrable being. Just because you were born with this type of solitary does not mean your body is a vessel. It is in your blood to keep pressing forward. It's intrinsically comforting once you reach your final destination because when you do,_ _y_ _ou will not have a worry in the world. You will bury that impeccable hatchet everyone once called the war."_

Those words etched inside the young female's brain.

 _War. Vessel. Solitary._ Was it all worth it?

Easy and advantageous, as others would see it, but Y/N was frightened of her own limitations. It wasn't just her family she needed to galvanise, but the whole world as well. A burden and an imprecation intertwined with one another, causing an extreme domino effect.

However, she wanted to make them proud. Even though the universe wasn't so kind to her, she still continued to fight for humanity and the defects they brought with them. This was Y/N's fighting hypothesis and with great refinement, the world would become a better place for everyone.

And despite that, Y/N was lead to the dusty fronts of a military training camp. A camp specifically for the brave and talented or the weak and hopeless born within these miserable walls. The ambience smelt of decaying minds ultimately losing their sense of balance.

Y/N gave it to them, though. Throughout the devil's good luck, stood many tenacious characters. Most willing to give up everything they had to liberate the people they so-called family. The rest of them were simply cowards. It was discernible as ever that those groups of individuals purloined their whole life. They didn't care who they hurt, or what they took from others.

And besides, what was a free meal going to anyway? Sooner or later they had to face the roaring candour which was the fate of humanity. It was a hopeless sight, to say the least.

But today was the day of enlistment, and Y/N was on edge more than ever. The new faces that surrounded her petite frame, saluted out of plain fear as the Sargent walked from row to row. The horrific looks that were struck onto each individual made it quite obvious they were just as broken as she was, yet Y/N had her own personal credences―reasons as to why she was present in such a dirty, heart-rending atmosphere.

It had been one hundred years since the disastrous titan war and only a few weeks ago had they struck again. With it brought great poverty as the world was thought to cave in on itself once more. Humanity was driven into these thick walls the same amount of time ago, treated like horse cattle, waiting to be smitten by those hideous bastards.

The Titans.

Y/N knew for a fact that if the titans did not get a chance to swallow the remaining souls of paradise island, then impoverishment and power would corrupt their society, turning them against each other.

Mankind had a tendency of greed for authority, even when it was totally unnecessary. The king wanted to be respected as the idol influencer of this world he so vitiated. It was definitely human nature for someone like him to take from the weak and manipulate anyone that got in his way.

And that was why Y/N hated this shitty world. She couldn't deny that she was very comparable to the king, but instead, she spread a healthier influence for the better of their survival.

That's all they needed to do. _Survive_ and take what was theirs; since that happened to be the ethical version of it all. 

Y/N readied herself for what was to come, hitting her chest with such a powerful force, following the appearance of Sargent Shadis―who was the head instructor of the military and the 12th past Commander of the Survey Corps―now standing directly in front the 5'0" female, eyes tightly glued to her figure.

"What is your name, parasite?" Dark eyebags hooded the bald man's face; wrinkles hewing the outer edges of his eyes, as a scowling look accompanied his curled upper lip. 

What a ruthless look that was. If it was anyone else besides Y/N, they would definitely have shat themself by now.

The tall man inclined, leaning in further while his hands sat tightly behind his back, attempting to figure out the recruit standing right in front of him.

The woman took in a deep breath, closing her eyes for a brief moment, following a slow exhale. She heedfully collected her thoughts before speaking aloud.

"Y/N, sir!" Was all she said, accidentally whiffing the foul-smelling breath that happened to escape the insolent man's mouth. Despite the unpleasant smell, she still stood her ground, eyes stuck to the front of her person.

He leaned back, casually taking in the form before him. After looking her up and down, the Sargent let out a small dissatisfied grumble before speaking again.

"I see what you did there, vermin." Y/N felt hesitant now but still didn't shift her gaze from the tree; her consciousness was centred on. Heat rose from within her torso, part of her wanting to speak up, and the other half too anxious to say something.

She firmly clenched her fists while one was fixed across her heart and the other behind her back, forming a salute pose. In spite of the uneasiness she felt right now, Y/N managed to hold back all the dignity she had left, not daring to say another word.

Shadis casually turned his back to the recruit, not speaking another word to her. The breath Y/N had been holding in this entire time now escaped her flimsy, hot lunges. She had yet to improve on the cowed feelings she had towards the grotesque male.

She despised him greatly but didn't have the guts to stand against him.

_"Y/N, there will be many individuals you will bump heads with later on in life; however, that should not stop you from the person you are destined to become. Impending variables are impossible to evade, but just know our blessings run through your ancestry. You need to focus on people that make you feel happy, content, special. Ones that recognise your imperfections. One's that understand your placement in life. And one's that allow you to live in the moment."_

Y/N was completely lost in her thoughts but was brought back to reality by Shadis' voice; booming through the courtyard. "Dismissed! And I better see you up bright and early tomorrow morning, shitheads! Your life depends on it!"

After arriving at her newfound dorm, Y/N took in her surroundings. It definitely wasn't intricate, yet awful either, but plainer to the eye. After all, Y/N didn't have high hopes considering a war was on the loose. She would have to deal with what she got, and that was okay for her.

Curiously taking in the room, she turned her attention towards a golden-haired girl who sat cross-legged on the bed opposing her. She hadn't noticed her until her eyes shifted upon the object.

"Welcome! I'll be your roommate until graduation!" She let out a small giggle, holding a palm out towards her. The corner of Y/N's mouth twitched, leading on a forceful smile. She took up the youth's hand.

"Hey", was the only thing Y/N managed to murmur, giving her a firm handshake.

"My names Krista! What about you?" She chirped, a grimace making its way onto Y/N's visible features, discomfort taking over her body. She was delirious about the additional excitement the girl had.

I mean, why was she cheerful? And especially at a time like this? But nonetheless, Y/N quickly flushed away from the discourteous acts and mustered up a healthier smile, just so it didn't ruin the mood.

"My name's Y/N. It's nice to meet you, Krista!" The edge of her mouth fluttered upward in an exceeding manner, informed that she was pleased to meet her too.

The girl let out a long exaggerated gasp, sooner realising who you were. "Oh, you're that girl who withstood the cranky old Sargent, right?" She tightened her grip around Y/N's palm, clearly fascinated by her.

Y/N certainly did not want to go by that term, yet it was the only verity people would know her by now. In a way, it made her smile, but only for the sole fact that Y/N noticed the self-reliance she now had in herself when she wasn't very familiar with it, to begin with. It flashed her the same memory that occurred years ago with her cruel father.

_"You are my fucking child, Y/N. You do as I say. Fuck what your grandpa is telling you. It's all lies. He's old and blind, a fool at that. He makes up these fairytales just to control you. Don't you see that?" He lent over a wooden counter as a scowl threatened to spill his worn-out attributes._

"Helloooo?" Krista waved a second palm in front of Y/N's face, bringing her back from the daydream she would so call a nightmare.

 _What a ludicrous place to have a vision like that_. She thought before quickly apologising to the oddly endearing girl.

Krista nonchalantly shrugged it off, showing Y/N around the rest of the room.

"Obviously, as you can see, there is only one bathroom." The young girl let out a nervous laugh, pushing the wooden door open, revealing the rest of the room.

It was small. The toilet did not even look like a shitter, but more of a kids urinal. How the hell were they meant to use this? The shower looked like it hadn't been cleaned since the arrival of God himself. And the sink was a story for another time...

Y/N scratched the back of her neck as a wry look pierced her features.

 _Disgusting._ She thought, not even hesitating to remove herself from the confinement, as fast as she could.

_This was going to be a long three years._

Krista made it out last, fiddling with the tips of her fingers while a surging quiver rushed over her body. You could tell it was just as painful for her as it was for Y/N.

The young youth changed topics quickly, "But at least our beds are somewhat comfy." She walked over towards the patress and gave it a quick pat before sitting down herself.

After contacting it, she bobbed up and down, turning her head to receive a facepalm from Y/N.

Y/N dropped the issue as quickly as it came, amiably beaming towards the girl, "So, what brought you here, little miss blondie?". She sat next to her on the bed.

Y/N didn't necessarily care for the girl but only wanted to change subjects from the previous conversation they had.

"Uhm, well, the same as the rest, I suppose." Y/N raised an eyebrow while Krista shifted her attention towards the clothing on her thighs. She gently picked at it.

That could mean a lot of things... But Y/N assumed that Krista was a well-centred girl, considering her aura felt sweet and placid. Yet something was off about her. It was strange. You could tell by the way she carried herself that something was out mentally out of place. Not in a bad way, but it was obvious that Krista acted innocent to hide ignorant feelings towards the veracities that laid ahead of her. She would grow up to be a strong woman with luck, but at this point, Y/N did not have that type of hope for everyone.

She was just bewildered that Krista was so sweet to her at a devastating time like this.

Y/N nudged her softly, "I'm sure we all have our reasons as to why we are here right now. Some, maybe not as important as another, but if it's essential to you, nothing else matters." Meeting her ocean blue gaze, Y/N threw her a warm smirk. Krista returned the gesture but in a more upbeat manner.

As of right now though, the only thing that mattered to Y/N was the time and patience she needed for herself. Hell? It was her first night at the camp and she didn't know what the future held and that scared her. Not the people, or monsters that surrounded this society, but the actions of herself. Y/N's father constantly reminded her of the dangerous path she was heading down.

But she needed to do this. Not for him, but for her.

_War._ _Vessel._ _Solitary._

Those words echoed throughout her skull, bouncing around and intensifying each time they repeated.

_"This world is a cruel place._ _But Y/N, you're an impenetrable being."_

"I can see you have a lot on your mind too." Krista glanced up at the woman with a worried look. Y/N hummed quietly, trying to calm herself from the absent-minded memory. 

She stood up, pulling herself together. She lent a hand out towards Krista, a glowing smile present on her face. "We all do, that's the moral of it."

Y/N turned her gaze towards the smudgy window frame. She sighed heavily, "We better get ready for bed. It's getting late already."

Krista nodded her head, humming in agreement. The two females changed into their nightwear and hopped into bed appropriately.

"By the way" There was a slight pause before the blonde girl spoke again. "Thank you, Y/N."

Y/N furrowed her brows, slipping over to her left side, meeting the gaze of the girl. The moonlight shone effortlessly across her pale skin, embellishing her considerably.

Y/N chuckled lightly, shooting her another affectionate smile, "Get some sleep, Krista." She turned her back towards the girl.

After a long warm silence, the only thing that was heard was the wind mindlessly pushing its way through the tiny cracks in the windowsill. Y/N thrummed to herself, before closing her own eyes, falling into an endless sleep cycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this is a good start! <3


	4. chapter ii. southern division

Upon pushing through a week's worth of Shadis' cussed drills, Y/N did not know it was possible to muster up more abhorred sentiments towards the sergeant. The dainty little name-calling he would screech to her from across the courtyard gave her some degree of hemicrania, more specifically, a _headache._ She felt very fraughted, to say the least.

Mercifully to some degree, she could put up with that, but what the woman could not endure was the public humiliation she suffered when busting her guts out towards a difficult task.

Luckily Shadis was the type of man to go out of his way and make everyone's life feel like shit, not just Y/N's. Other than all the innumerable encounters she had with the rotten man, she conceived the day he would give that half-arsed _'goodbye, I love how all of you have become so strong,'_ speech, which would take place at the end of the graduation ceremony.

She had a clear picture of it which sat at the back of her subconsciousness, and oh boy, how scornful she felt because of it.

Because of him.

Y/N wanted to strangle the life out of the enormous headed scoundrel, a bit too desperately.

He continued to spoon-feed the beast she allegedly called her complications, notwithstanding the already apprehensive emotions she had towards the initial training period and the _'end of the world'_ type of shit. It didn't just impact Y/N, but other individuals around her as well. They definitely underwent the same sort of behaviourism, being ill at ease; something valid of having.

Starting today, the fresh draftee's got to pick how they indoctrinated themselves, discerning what their worst quality skillset was and had to try bettering that specifically.

This was the only time Shadis exonerated their duties, ultimately letting them off the hook, even though it was a very practical activity to perform. Not many people took it gravely upon themself, some dawdling around, acting like total idiotic blockheads, while others took it serious to some degree.

One couple, in particular, did capture Y/N's attention, her happening to witness it first-hand. The two had been seen twirling around one another, holding blunt wooden training knives, following the sound of hushed animal noises breaking clear of their giant irksome mouths. They acted like complete morons, and little did they know, Shadis had his usual glare pinned directly at them, but this time in a more sneering type way.

Very, very unfortunate. Y/N knew what was coming later for them, that's for sure.

But she knew that this was definitely one of Shadis' practical jokes. I mean, why would he let newly trained recruits roam around freely and do as they please? More precisely why would he allow quirky little imbeciles run around like complete psychopaths, just to feed their boredom?

It had to be his way of grading... Self-sufficiency? Surely. Then again, Y/N did not know what went on inside the stingy old man's brain.

Furthermore, with the worst luck possible, Y/N was stationed toward the Southern Division camp and barely got the chance to go out whenever she unshackled herself from the sergeant's death grip. Excluding the days the woman would train, she had nothing else to do throughout most hours and ultimately sat on her arse, orating with the innocent Krista Lenz.

Y/N was pleased with herself that she made at least one companion along the way. Even though Krista didn't speak much―or rather she only muttered whenever she thought her input deemed useful―she was still amicable company. All that mattered to the woman was if a select few people took the time to appreciate her dull presence.

It sounded a bit too dismal, but ultimately that's how Y/N felt.

Childhood through to adolescence, Y/N spent majority of her time with her grandpa. He was an idiosyncratic little character, to say the least, but she loved him endlessly. He taught her how to use a simple pocket knife as well as conventional self-defence. He knew for a fact that if you let yourself fall under the category of impotent, there was a low chance of survival in this world.

And he was one hundred per cent right.

_"Where were you last night, N/N?" Y/N's father peered up from a novel he had been meticulously reading at the dining table. To her awful surprise, it was the same graphical book he would always feast his eyes on late at night; the Bible._

_Ironic, wasn't it?_

_'He's always hunched over that damn thing', Y/N always used to think that to herself, especially whenever she caught him reading the Holy Writ._

_"I was just out hunting with grandpa" Quickly lifting the freshly hunted duck up into the cool atmospheric air. Y/N grinned exceedingly, feeling very illustrious of herself. Her father let out a heavy sigh, momentarily shutting his book and rising from his creaky timbered chair._

_He walked up to his daughter, taking the goose from her closed fist which happened to be positioned around its thin feathery neck. "You better not be carrying out any other hazardous activities, Y/N." He gently placed a palm on her left shoulder, squeezing it gently, then later bent down on one knee to meet her E/C gaze._

_"I don't know what I'd do without you." He said in a guileful tone._

_'What a mood killer', She thought._

_Her father was like this every time she went hunting... He always inclined her to go out with grandpa during the late hours of the night. Y/N was young, yes, but that didn't stop her from trying to persuade her father that she was safe at all times._

_"It's not you I don't trust, it's your grandpa." He would specifically state nearly every time she mentioned his name._

"What the fuck are you doing, recruits?!" Before she knew it, Y/N was brought back to the present by a very familiar voice.

Keith Shadis, to be more exact.

She had grown accustomed to his intemperate persona, screaming whenever he thought it deemed necessary, and if truth be told, that was practically all hours of the day. Y/N was astonished that he hadn't strained his voice yet considering he howled above the standard vocal range.

It was very impressive, charitably speaking, but not a pleasant sound to experience directly. It gave Y/N a killer migraine.

Shadis' scowling look penetrated each of the young recruit's petrified faces. At this moment in time, the two of them knew they _'fucked up'_. They immediately saluted out of plain horror, not wanting to encounter what came next.

Storming his way over, the sergeant belligerently groped each of their heads, dragging them across the grass, towards the filthy horse stables. Everyone's focus now shifted toward the loud commotion, as they witnessed Shadis throw the male recruit into a pile of horse manure.

Y/N's stomach churned, taking in the scene before her. _Revolting,_ but she didn't expect anything less from a barbaric man like himself.

The second recruit on the other hand happened to be squawking her head off, trying to resist the tight grip the 6'3" man had around her auburn coloured ponytail. It was a bootless attempt but before she could let out another screech, he tossed her towards the other draftee, landing in a roaring splat.

The two were now smooshed together in a fresh pile of shit.

_Lovely..._

Y/N flinched, scrunching her nose at the scene unfolding before her.

It was funny to admit it, but to some extent, Y/N was a little defiant too. Not in the sense she got physically abused by the sergeant, but moreso a punishment of cleaning other draftee's dorms.

She knew her boundaries with him.

Comparatively, it didn't both her, she liked cleaning, but she'd rather be doing something a little more convenient with her life than taking up other's responsibilities.

"Dismissed!" Shadis roared through the yard once more, dispersing the recruits from training. Y/N happened to meet eyes with her blonde friend, Krista, quickly rushing over towards her.

"Hey" Y/N puffed, "Want to grab something to eat?" Krista nodded her head without speaking a word to Y/N.

Upon making their way to the mess hall, the two female's happened to bump into the obstinate little recruits who got their arses kicked by Shadis himself. Krista's eyes widened, taking note of how soiled they looked.

She swallowed thickly, "Oh, hey Krista!" The auburn-haired girl beamed with excitement, catching sight of one of her bosom friends. A grimace slowly crept its way onto Krista's young features.

Krista laughed nervously, "Uhm, don't you want to have a shower first?". She cross-examined the young recruit, taking a step back as the horrid smell filled her tiny nostrils.

The boy, conversely, stood there, shoulders slightly drooped downward, not engaging in friendly chit-chat. His brown hair was trimmed into a simple buzzcut, while his prodigious, desire beige eyes shone in the sunlight. He eventually shifted his gaze upon the H/C haired woman to his right.

Shock flooded over the boys face, sooner realising who she was; the same person who owned the title of _'resisting'_ the sergeant's demising glares as well as his grabby orientation.

His mouth couldn't help itself, slightly gaping open. The peculiar boy held out a grotty hand towards Y/N, still not saying a word.

She raised a brow with great incertitude, hesitating to take up the boys palm. "What do you want, blockhead?" Y/N blurted out, cutting the conversation short Krista was having with her friend.

The boy backed off, "Oh, shit! Sorry..." An aw-shuck expression spilled over his face.

"My names Connie, and this is Sasha!" He threw an arm around the girl's neck, pulling her into a playful headlock, rustling his grubby fists all over her hair affectionately. Sasha staggered into his embrace, throwing Y/N a cheeky grin as well.

What an odd pair they were.

There was a slight pause before Y/N spoke, "Well, uhm... My name is Y/N, It's nice to meet you?"

Connie let out an inflated gasp, "Oh! So you are that girl who stood up against Shadis?" Connie threw the woman the biggest grin he could muster up.

Y/N grumbled to herself quietly, quailing at such a proverb. "Yup. That's me...", later mumbling, _"Unfortunately."_ to herself.

"Well I would shake your hand but we are a bit dirty right now!" Connie beamed, Krista flinching in agreement as Y/N had that _'no shit'_ expression dispersed across her face.

Sasha bayed noisily, "Hey! Wanna eat with us tonight, Y/N?" She continued speaking, "We have a spare seat at the group we usually sit at. You should come join us!" Y/N shot Krista a worried look, but the only thing she received in return from the blonde was a sympathetic glance.

Y/N turned her gaze back to the couple, following a vigorous smile. "Yeah, sure! Why not?"

After the uncanny adventure she had with the two young recruits, Y/N quickly made it inside with Krista while they washed off. "They're an odd pair," Y/N stated rather bluntly, hoping to get Krista's undivided attention.

The blonde sighed heavily, "Yeah, they can be like that... But hey! The group is over there!" Krista changed subjects just as fast as it came, pointing towards a small group that sat boisterously across the mess hall.

There were about four people who sat at the table, eating what had been served for dinner. "I'll grab a plate for you!" Krista grinned cheerily. Y/N nodded her head and made her way over to the group, tension forming in the gut of her abdomen.

"H-hey" Y/N mumble, only happening to catch one person's gaze.

Thin blonde locks covered the sides of his temples forming a small bob cut. To Y/N's astonishment, he happened to look very similar to Krista but instead, took on more male attributes.

"Hey! Are you the recruit that Connie and Sasha were talking about?" He shot her a warm smile. "Uhm, yeah if that's what you call it..." Y/N chuckled anxiously, twidling her thumbs behind her back.

"Well come sit!" He motioned Y/N towards a seat that opposed him and a raven-haired girl. She willingly took up the chair.

"My name is Armin, by the way. You're Y/N, right?" Y/N nodded her head, "Yeah." Was all she mustered up.

She glanced over to the rest of the group, taking in the new faces that surrounded her person. The girl to her left seemed awfully quiet, not making much chatter, while two boys who sat opposite, bickered rather loudly. It seemed as though they were in a heated discussion.

"So what? You want to live a luxurious life and live in the interior?" The chocolate haired boy spat, "How pathetic... And boring!"

The other boy who faced him reached forward to grab the other by the collar. "What and you're saying you want to go outside the walls?" He squabbled, tightening the grip he had around the boy's collar.

Y/N sat there in silence, taking in the scene before her.

"Tch. You'll probably die within the first five seconds of being out there." The chocolate haired boy now threw himself across the table, ultimately strangling the other male who was now below him.

"Uhm... Did I come at the wrong time?" Y/N turned to face Armin, who looked just as confused and worried as the woman who sat next to him.

"I-" He stuttered lightly.

"Did you forgot I got top of the class for combat skills, Jean?!" The boy threw a hefty punch towards his face, colliding with the boy's jaw.

"Oi you?!"

Before anyone could blink, the girl Y/N had been sitting next to finally split up the fight. She dragged the chocolate haired boy out of the mess hall, shrieking loudly as he got hauled through the corridor.

"Tsk. Yeah, that's right Eren! You always need Mikasa to save you!"

Armin sighed heavily, turning his attention to the now, cold porridge underneath him.


	5. chapter iii. ceremony

The next couple of years for Y/N was more prolonged than ever. It felt like she was imprisoned in a never-ending cycle of affliction and distress when her convocational ceremony was just hours away.

Y/N honestly did not know how she kept her body and soul intact over the last few years considering she thought Shadis was her demising misfortune the whole way through. She craved the possibility that he would at least give her a painless _'pat on the back'_ for the shit she had to condone.

Additionally, Y/N yearned for the day something terrible would come to bite him in the arse, but right now it seemed as though she had high expectations of this so-called karma. There was a well-founded reason why he was principal of this remanding camp, but that did not stop Y/N from conjecturing his sanity.

To say that he was a demented old man, was an understatement.

Although aside from all the hatred she had for her sergeant, Y/N also found peace within her companionships. She grew attached to the close friendships she had made during her cadet years, but sad to say, some of them would be coming to an end soon.

Not all of her buddies were going to pick the same branch as her. She commended those few who kept their wits in check, given Y/N was just steps away from signing up to the Survey Corps. She had decided that even if she made the top ten recruits, that would not stop her from pursuing her raison d'être.

_Ambitions._

Y/N had to do this. It was the only thing disquieting her at this given moment. Every step she took closed the distance between her and the enemies she so execrated. It put her at ease knowing she drew nearer to where she wanted to be; who she wanted to be.

"Hey, Y/N? You ready for graduation tomorrow?" The H/C haired woman lifted her gaze from the cleaning she had been executing, turning it towards her raven-haired friend. She smiled gently, crooning quietly to herself, later shifting her attention back to what she had been washing.

"I mean, I suppose." The woman shrugged indifferently. Her friend raised an eyebrow, ultimately quizzing Y/N's passive body language. "You don't seem nervous one bit?" Her brows wrinkling a bit more inward.

Y/N finally lifted her gaze. She took a moment before speaking, "I mean, at this point it doesn't matter if I'm nervous or not." Y/N tossed a damp sponge she had in between her fingers, back into the bucket which sat next to her.

"We both willingly signed up to this place, didn't we Mikasa?" The girl nodded her head slowly, somewhat taken off-guard and disoriented by Y/N's rhetorical question.

Mikasa sighed heavily, dropping her own sponge. "I mean, I guess you're right. But what if Eren gets hurt and I'm not there?" Y/N exhaled slowly, "And that wouldn't be your fault, Mikasa..." She lightly grazed the back of Mikasa's hand, reaching over to grab her arm tenderly.

"Trust me, Eren is a strong boy, he wouldn't let things slip under his wing that easily." Y/N released her friend's arm, rolling her eyes in a lively manner. "I mean, the boy is too hard-headed for his own good..." Mikasa giggled lightly finding consolation within her statement.

"Yeah, you're right... But I _need_ to be there for him. He _won't_ survive without me." She paused for a moment, "Even if he is impractical sometimes."

The woman threw Mikasa a sweet smile, "If that's what you desire, Mikasa." Y/N stood up abruptly.

"Now..." She halted, "We better get going. We have a graduation ceremony tomorrow!" Mikasa sniggered softly, Y/N lending a hand out towards her best friend.

The young youth took it up willingly, jumping to her own feet.

To say that Y/N was not shaken up by the coming hours till graduation would be a lie. She was just as anxious as every other cadet, but she knew for a fact that there was no point in divulging her sentiments; projecting them onto other people. She did not want to show her true feelings, yet she did not know why that was.

Throughout her years as a cadet, Y/N noticed it was pretty facile for her to connect with others on a personal level. People trusted her; put faith, reliance, credence in her. She had a healthful ambience about her character that everyone seemed to admire. Even though she got close to a few recruits, she never exchanged anything too confidential with them.

Aside from that, the only thing she would bring to light was sanguine memories from her pre-teenagehood, elucidating what her connection was like with her grandpa. Short of that, she never spoke about anything else.

That's the type of person she was and other individuals seemed to accept that.

But at the end of the day, Y/N saw no end result in sharing her ruminations as well as her emotions with other people. She did not trust a soul, no matter who they happened to be. Y/N only confided in herself which was more than enough to keep her moving.

However, the select few people she got close to, died. This was also another reason why she didn't convey any sort of feelings towards another individual. Y/N did not want to risk choosing her own _contentment_ over the people she cared about so greatly andin the end, it was a selfish quality she had picked up from her grandpa. But sometimes, certain people needed to know the veracity of her past and what Y/N had gone through.

Unfortunately, this undoubtedly played a crucial part during her childhood and how she was brought up, but it never stopped her from having a strong inclination when it came to outsiders. It was more of an instinctive feeling which she developed along the way.

It was a duplicitous form of heedlessness, to say the least.

Upon cleaning up, the two girls hugged before making it in front of their own dorm rooms. Mikasa gave Y/N one more wave before dispersing behind the doorframe. Y/N sighed heavily, opening the door gently to her own dorm which she shared with her potato friend, Sasha.

The auburn-haired girl emerged into view, lying soundlessly wrapped up in between her bedsheets. She was entirely out of it. Y/N smiled, noticing such a calm, placid Sasha. It was a rare sight to see her at such serenity.

Without making too much noise, Y/N washed up before heading to bed. She had a quick shower to extract the filth she collected from the duties in which she had to complete earlier.

The last few days had been immensely secluded. Sergeant Shadis hadn't assigned the recruits with any sort of drills given they didn't have many days left of being part of the 104th. It was very sporadic to see Shadis _call it a day,_ to say the least, but normally, he would be on their arse's non-stop about the defects they had in their ability as an up and coming soldier.

It was clear as a bell that Shadis was extremely gratified with himself. Moreso in the sense that he trained such an unfathomable group of individuals.

Once Y/N finished cleansing herself, she quickly jumped into bed. She was riveted to know what position she would obtain at the end of the graduation. _'Maybe fifth place?'_ She thought to herself, slowly processing what was to come tomorrow morning.

Y/N suddenly cringed, thinking of such a supposition. She did her absolute endeavourment over these last few years, and she'd hope it would reimburse herself tremendously. One thing Y/N did not want to do was dally about, ultimately waste her time in the efforts she made to place high on the ladder.

In the end, Y/N thought without a doubt in her mind that she did a substantial job, logically speaking. She placed high on hand-to-hand combat right next to one of her close friends, Mikasa, and essentially? That was satisfactory with her. Y/N knew of the Ackerman bloodline, and what powers they possessed. Her grandpa would never put a stop to the discussions he had with Y/N about their origin. It drove her like crazy, but to say that she wasn't intrigued about their history, would be a lie. 

They had abilities no other genealogy could retain. Thousands of years ago the Ackerman clan were said to be knights of the royal family and upon the alterations made to humanities evocations, it was seemingly ineffective to them. It is evident than ever that over generations, these beliefs have been shuffled alongside modern values and unfortunately in today's journals, not many Ackerman's know of the king's doings.

But one thing Y/N did know for a fact was that the Ackerman's played a major part in the arrival of the Titan War.

Their talents never ceased to amaze Y/N, though. She knew it was only congenital strength they held, being past down from generation to generation and that's what was so scary about them. Mikasa was a magnanimous type of person to the people she cared about deeply, but down to her core, she was dark and uncanny. Upon meeting the young female, the aura she held was cryptic and very unsettling to her. It didn't necessarily frighten Y/N, but she knew she had to be cautious around her at all times.

There was also ample hearsay about a man named Levi Ackerman―known by many as the squad leader of the _Special Operations Squad_ within the Survey Corps―who was just as disturbing. Upon their missions outside the wall, the public would cheer the man on every time they saw the Survey Corps disperse their way out into the open world.

It was funny to admit, but the way people described Levi sounded like he was one of them pretentious old men.

Probably short, had strands of grey hair, and drank the bitterest tea you could think of.

But without bothering to fabricate any more assumptions, the woman slowly closed her eyes. 

_"Y/N, I want you to know something", The old man pursed his lips together, reaching over to grab his grandaughter's hand. The young girl stared back up at him with bright E/C alarming eyes._

_"What is it, grandpa?" She said in an indulgent tone, a glimmer of worry pressed at the back of her orbs._

_He sighed heavily, "I know your father keeps telling you I'm crazy-" He shifted his gaze down to her slim pale fingers._

_He squeezed them affectionately, "But in the future, there will be someone you will meet that is going to change your life forever." He clutched her palms tighter, glancing back up at her._

_"And when you meet them, you're going to have to make a tough choice." Y/N raised an eyebrow, a little vague about what her grandad was talking about._

_"A choice?" She questioned, not shifting her gaze from the old man kneeling in front of her. He nodded his head, "Yes, and when that choice comes" He lifted his index finger, pointing it directly towards her chest. "Listen to what your heart is telling you."_

_Y/N giggled softly and jumped into her grandad's embrace. "Of course grandpa! You shouldn't act all worried all the time, ya' know? I'm a big girl now!"_ _Her grandpa chuckled lightly, kissing the back of her hand tenderly._

Y/N rolled over to her right side, clutching her pillow tightly. Why was she thinking of this exact memory right about now? She quizzed herself, furrowing her eyebrows aggressively.

What did he mean by, _"There will be someone you will meet that is going to change your life forever."?_

Y/N always thought of this as a potential partner, but recalling the absent-minded memory once more, I don't think her grandad really saw it in that sense. He saw it as something bigger than that.

She whispered quietly to herself, kissing the back of her own palm, _"Don't worry pops, I will always follow my heart thanks to you."_

A few minutes later, trying to wash off the remembrance, Y/N fell into a deep slumber only to be brought back to reality by a loud, boisterous Sasha.

"Y/N!!!!" The auburn-haired cadet screamed aloud, thrusting the woman around. "You're late again! We have a graduation to attend today!! Do you want to stay in this depressing shit-hole any longer?!"

_'You're right.'_

Y/N immediately shot up in her bedsheets, turning her attention to the startled girl. "Fuck!!" She jumped out of bed, slipping on her cadet uniform, harness, then boots.

Sasha let out a shaky sigh, "Okay well I'll see you in the courtyard, yeah?" Y/N didn't even have time to acknowledge the girl. All she heard was a loud bang of the door shutting close.

Y/N rushed into the bathroom, tying her hair into an appropriate ponytail. _'That will have to do for today.'_ She thought before quickly wiping the sleep out of the corner of her eyes. She still looked tired as fuck, but the woman gave a satisfied nod, rushing out of the dorm room, heading towards the alleged area.


End file.
